As I was chatting to Ewan a few weeks ago, discussing his family's recent move to Costa Rica (check out his story in the previous newsletter). It really made me reflect.
A few years ago, Katrien’s brother did the same. Bravely moving with his wife and three kids (now 1, 7 and 11 years old) out to the rural outback of the Alagoas state of Brazil. They support and work with the local communities out there. It’s pretty wild and desolate to say the least.
Whenever we can, we make the two day journey across to visit. The boys love it.
Think scorpions, tarantulas, snakes and crocodiles.
I remember our first visit; within 5 minutes of arriving, Jax plonked himself down in an ants’ nest. His panicked cries implied these had significantly evolved from your average British ant.
While Jax and Finn’s cousins spend their lives roaming around outside (often barefoot) without losing life or limb, and having an absolute ball may I add, I lived in fear of a scorpion sting, rattlesnake bite or rapid bat attack.
(Evening walks with the boys in their backyard, accompanied by a UV Torch, reveal scorpions by the bucketload).
The boys loved looking for scorpions with their UV lights
Yet nothing happened. Nothing ever happens apparently. Child and beast seem to live in harmony.
I spent the whole week terrified. Katrien’s brother spent the whole week wondering why I kept counting heads and checking under pillows.
We fed the local Brazilian crocodiles raw chicken
A different kind of childhood
When I was a bit older than Jax is now, my parents used to let me disappear into the woods down the road for days at a time. We built camps. We got stuck up trees we shouldn't have climbed. Nobody had a phone to track us with. We just had to be back in time for dinner.
I don't think my parents were being reckless. I think they were just being normal, for the time.
Somewhere between then and now, normal changed. And I don't think it changed because the woods got more dangerous.
The boys playing with their cousins in Brazil
The Anxious Generation
I’ve been reading ‘The Anxious Generation’ recently. A mind-expanding read for any parent. The book outlines how our increasing anxieties as parents (alongside the unstoppable rise of screens and social media) have directly led to the loss of a ‘play-based childhood’.
My parenting book of the year
The author, Jonathan Haidt, draws on research from Norwegian psychologists, who studied what kids actually seek out when you give them the freedom to choose.
Height. Speed. Tools. Fire. Roughhousing. Wandering Off.
Not because they’re reckless, but because working through manageable risk is how children build the confidence to handle bigger things later.
In a world that’s arguably and ironically significantly safer than it was a few decades ago, parents have strived to protect, manage and control their children more than ever.
Haidt’s argument: The kids who grow up with the least risk in childhood are, based on hard evidence, turning into the most anxious adults.
The great playground sterilisation
One of his simplest examples is the evolution of playground safety over the last 30 years. In the 1980s, playgrounds featured tall, steel structures built over hard surfaces. The risk of injury was real, but they allowed children to experience ‘risky play’.
A wave of well-intentioned but over-protective safety regulations in the 1990s resulted in the removal of these high climbing structures. Replaced by low-slung, plastic structures built over thick, padded rubber mats.
Apparently, just as a child’s physical immune system needs exposure to dirt and microbes to develop properly. A child’s psychological ‘immune system’ needs exposure to minor risks, scrapes and falls to build resilience. Without high climbing frames, kids never learn to judge risks for themselves.
Alright, alright, alright
I went to see a reading of Matthew McConaughey’s latest poetry book (Poems & Prayers) last year, and he talked about his key parenting principle.
‘’If they’re climbing a tree and it’s high enough that they’ll break an arm or leg when they fall, I still let them climb.’’
I remember nodding in agreement before getting home and barking at the boys to come in from the rain, so they don’t get cold.
The Beyond The Backyard Contradiction
All this made me realise something. Everything I’m doing with the kids is designed to teach them the benefits of living a more wild, outdoor and nature-based childhood.
As long as it’s 100% safe and risk-free. How ridiculous is that?
Fortunately, the scorpion was dead
So going forward I’m going to try a few things:
Let them read the risk before I remove it. Jax now checks for ants every time he sits down (inside as well as outside!) in Brazil. He’s figured it out.
Learn from the locals. Their cousins have figured out how to play safely, and hopefully mine will start to pick it up, if I give them the space.
Match the rule to the actual risk. Not the scariest version in my head. A kid taught to read the landscape is usually safer than a kid who’s never been allowed near one. Panic is often more dangerous than the snake.
If I want them to learn from the natural world, I can’t completely protect them from it. It’s the same across so many other areas of parenting.
Keen to hear any of your thoughts or reflections? Do you agree? What’s your attitude to risk with your kids?
What we’re loving
Why not pick up a UV torch for the family?
We bought one for scorpion spotting in Brazil. It made them glow a vivid blue-green, which blew the kids’ minds!
What most people don’t know is they can be used for loads of bugs (beetles, moths and spiders). They also double up as a great ‘stain detector’ when you’re checking the hotel room.
Photo of the fortnight
In the spirit of this issue, I thought I’d share a photograph of a scorpion I captured with my new macro lens, a few weeks back in Provence.
Apparently their sting is no worse than a bee sting. The kids took this as a green light to turn over every rock they could find.
What’s next?
Back to the adventures. We’ll be spending our September weekends checking out the deer rut in Richmond Park, while hoping to catch a glimpse of red squirrels on Brownsea Island. We’ll let you know how we get on.